| Ah, the topic of many a closet discussion, so I’m told. Jim’s such a funny guy; it’d be great to see him drunk. What? He doesn’t drink? WTF! Number one party school his whole life, and doesn’t drink? Get outta town, I’ll be he’s a blast when he’s blitzed. You don’t drink? Well, really dude, that’s impressive. I wish I could do that. I think it’s a great thing you have going. [a few shots later] You SUUUUURE you don’t want anything? You’re sure? OK, but iff you change your mind, I’m gunna leave this riiiiight here, and you can have it whenever. Thanks, but no thanks. Maybe I’ve been ‘brainwashed’ by the ‘man’ into thinking alcohol is a complete evil? No, it has its positives. Studies show that a glass of red wine every so often improves longevity of life. Alcohol is good for disinfecting wounds and sensitive medical equipment in a pinch, not to mention the numerous functions of the OH on its own in a molecule. Aside from the foul smell, and what obviously must be a poor taste in most cases, alcoholic beverages hold no attraction for me as a drink. And here is where the problem is: alcoholic drinks are not really considered drinks these days. Sure, that’s what they’re called, but when was the last time someone kept talking about the great time they had last night drinking Pepsi? Or how much trouble they got in last week after downing some apple juice? Mountain Dew comes close, but only because it does similar things as alcohol- makes you pea and talk a lot. For one thing, it just doesn’t seem like something I’d be interested in. watching the faces of many people squinch up after taking a swig of something, or the obligatory ‘uhhh’ after having wine, it is not appealing to me. If you’re in a restaurant and see a patron make that face eating a burger, would you order the burger? Most likely not. They just don’t taste good. The ones that would taste good, however, come at an exuberant price. Ah, a fine wine? 20 bucks for very little of the low shelf stock. Shots? 5 bucks a pop at certain bars. But wait, is this… 25 cent pitcher night?! Why, that IS a bargain… except for the things you don’t want in that pitcher that are [yes, some bartenders DO put things in the drinks. Yes, I have seen the effects of such happenings. No, they are not pretty.] In general, to go out and get buzzed is most likely gunna cost you around 15 dollars a night… if you’re lucky. Not being a person of monetary wealth, I’ll pass on this ‘indulgence’. Alcoholic drinks are now considered to be a social tool. ‘Liquid courage’. Loosens you up, allows you to be more social. Talk to people of the opposite sex [think the guy off of Big Bang Theory show]. If everyone is loose, they all have a good time. Birthdays are times for a bar crawl, and attempt to get as drunk as possible for as long as you can, or have friends over and get smashed at a house party. End of the week? Cool off with a cold one. Big game? Stock up and go to town with your friends on some Natty Lite. Don’t have friends at the college yet? Announce you’re holding a beer pong tournament, you’ll have people over in no time. Try to have a spontaneous Sprite pong game, and you are SOL. And that is just fine. By all means, if you are into that, cool. Go for it. But I have a different perspective on it. If you say the words “it’s not a party without booze”, why do you need the booze to party? Are you that concerned about anxiety at a shindig with your friends, that you need some ‘liquid courage’ to get by? I’ve been to ‘parties’ where the only point of the party was to drink…this is in no way a revelation to anyone. But why? Rather than hanging out with friends, people end up talking about A) how drunk they are or B) how drunk they’re going o get. Maybe this is entertaining to some people. Drinking games help, apparently, but then I watch people twitch as they gargle down what they have of their tastefully painful concoctions, and think otherwise. Then comes my favorite time of all: dealing with the drunks. There are several types, and over the years I’ve met all of them. The giggly drunk, the horny drunk, the angry, sad, paranoid, talkative, LOUD, quiet, stupid, incoherent, ‘stunt man’, I’m OK really!, throw up, what’s your name?, I need help, relaxed, sleepy, dopey, sneezey, bashful, grumpy, happy …. You name it. While it is amusing to watch people make fools of themselves, I feel as though a bit of it is lost when it’s just stupid. The Jackass show, while stupid humor, is intentionally stupid. Stupefied people are in a sad way humorous, which at the time I laugh, but feel sorry for them. Maybe I don’t have the right sense of humor. I don’t find it as funny when I trip and almost gash my head open sober, but it’s funny if it happens after I’ve had a few? Doesn’t add up to me. And I don’t just say things about people that are hammered. Buzzed persons can be just as bad, if not worse. Maybe that’s when people’s ‘true emotions’ come out, but I’ve not had too many good situations with buzzed people either. Do things always get to a bad point? No. Is everyone usually ok? Yes. Would I want to get buzzed? No. The way I see it, you only have control of one thing: your mind. That’s it. Everything else can be bought or sold, manipulated, cut off, taken away. You can be forced into doing something you absolutely hate, but you still have your thoughts. To me, willingly giving away control of the only thing you have any real control over does not seem like a good idea. It’s the thing that makes us truly human. It is the absolute last thing I would ever want to give up. Sure, mildly ‘buzzed’ persons are perfectly fine, but small things change, very subtle; adjectives, phrasing, ideals. They don’t realize it a lot, but go to a party sometime and watch how the events unfold. And perhaps that is what bothers me, is that people change, ever so slightly. It can be very subtle, change of adjectives, being more reserved or a little more forward. But why? Is feeling buzzed allowing you to change the way you perceive the world because you don’t like feeling the way you normally would? Why is it not possible to reach that state without drinking? I’m perfectly happy the way I see the world as it is, and don’t feel the need to ‘loosen up’ any more than I already am. I have been lied to, told off, made fun of, and been a general target by many close friends when they’re buzzed. Things that are downright cruel have been done. I’ve been forgotten, left behind, exiled, and considered an enemy by some. Would they do this sober? Generally not. What I will not stand for, without any remorse, is when a person does something stupid and says “it wasn’t me, I was drunk”. That is not an excuse. If a person knowingly gives up the control of their thoughts, then they take upon themselves whatever trouble they cause to themselves. It is no different to me if a person does something stupid when they are sober. Is it more understandable? Yes. Does it make a difference? Absolutely not. That is one of the few things I refuse to budge on. Being drunk is never an excuse. Period. Oh, by the way, underage drinking is illegal. Not a big fan of breaking the law. Now, that does open a can of words for drunk persons being manipulated, which I will not go into. Whole ‘nother rant for that. I know this whole thing appears to be me bashing on persons that drink. As I’ve said, to me it’s similar to not liking mayonnaise. It’s just a thing of preference. I will not hold it against you if you enjoy a pint and having a drinking party with friends. I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind; by college age, you’ve already decided what sort of stuff you will and will not do. I’ll be more than happy to come and hang out. Just understand my rationale for it, and try to recall that when I’ve told you ‘no thanks’ for the twentieth time. As the title implies, this is only a small part. there are numerous other reasons, but i won't go into them now. tis a bit late. two guys walk into a bar. the third one ducks. |
